Happiness as being your state of being and how to let it come

The relationship between happiness and controlling happiness is an interesting one.

Is happiness an emotion or a condition - just the way you are?

Emotions cannot be controlled.  You can control the state you are in a lot.

Some people ponder deeply over the question of whether they can control their happiness. Most people say they can control it. Believers in God say that God can control it for them. Or if they control it, it is really God for God is giving them the control.  So it is not them. 

One thing is for sure, God as creator of all and creator of happiness is the only being who can really control it.  If you believe in God then any happiness you get is got from learned helplessness.  Learned helplessness does a good mimic of real happiness.  That is why it is so hard to get people to waken up and snap out of it.

If you feel you have to control happiness, that blames you if you are not happy.  It cannot work.  It does not work.  Happiness does not let itself be controlled.  Letting God do the controlling is you delegating the controlling so you are in a sense still controlling.  It is you delegating and that is control.  So God will not help either.

To believe you are wrong when you do find a chance to control happiness is you putting that happiness under threat.  So atheism is what you need.  If you are happy feeling control right now will be part of the reason you feel happy.

If happiness is an emotion not a state, what is the danger if it is an emotion?

Then society should accept your whims, what you think will bring you happiness at best or contentment at least!  It won't be a society for too long then!

What is wrong with wanting it to be a state?

It seems we must want it to be a state for making it about changeable feelings is not an option.  If that is why we have to be happy then it is not very inspiring. It makes happiness as in the state out to be a far from wonderful gift but something you take for the alternative, whimsical happiness, is not an option.

For this reason, you just have to get rid of obstacles to happiness to see if it happens. It is a passive thing.  Working for it will backfire.  People worry thought that seeing happiness as a state implies long-term and blames the person if the happiness goes away.  But we know the person cannot be blamed.

Happiness is a state of being.

Where does happiness come from?

Happiness comes from doing good and trying to see:

-As much of the good that will result as possible.

-How it will inspire and encourage people to be good as well.

How when you do good you put yourself on the path to being a better person and there will be long-term benefits for yourself and others.

How the good could have been even better if it were not for factors out of your control. For example, you did good and provided others with the opportunity to learn from you. You do good and good paves the way for others to spread the good. Thanks to you they get the opportunity to be good. If they miss the opportunity or don’t take it that is their choice. You are still to be praised for giving them the chance.

You must make a daily effort to see all this and the more you remind yourself of it the more you will feel part of something bigger. You are the God that has to give meaning to your life. It is only this exercise that can help you.

It is a psychological truth that if you do good and see it as doing little or helping a few people then you will struggle with your motivation. You will not take much joy in the goodness that flows from you. The answer is to open your eyes to the bigger picture and the bigger you can truthfully make it the better. You need reason and a firm grounding in reality to achieve this.

Why Directly Trying to Be Happy Does Not Work

Try and work out what your general level of a sense of well-being and happiness is. For some it can be a bit low and for others it an be very high. Whatever it is it is your set point. If you suffer gravely you can return to the set point in time. Do not try to make yourself less happy or more happy than what your set point allows for. In fact refusing to to be totally happy all the time is about being happy!

Being happy is a by-product. It is a by-product of seeing how principles come first and how you can be those principles. And this makes you see how important your life and existence is. But it will not work unless you do it for others as well as yourself. Never think you must find the meaning of your life. It is about finding the meaning of your life and those who you love and meet as well.

If you are happy you won’t need to check. When you start checking to see if you are happy, doubt begins to creep in. You find the happiness lessening and you spot any flaws or you may develop a concern that the happiness is lifting and going away. The secret is to learn to stop analysing and to stop pursuing happiness. Why does this work? Because the more you value happiness the more you want to hold on to it and the more you fear losing it.

I need to create the circumstances in which happiness is possible for me. I will do not do that by seeking the best religion, the best God, the best car, the best anything. I will do it by being kind to others. In doing that I am lining up to truth. What matters most? Being good or doing good? Being good. What matters more than feeling good? Doing good. For you can do good any time but you cannot guarantee feeling good. You know this which is why trying to feel good all the time or much of the time is self-defeating.

Some beautiful people who have all the best trappings that life has to over and millions in the bank are desperately unhappy. Is this proof that it is how you see things that makes you happy not the things themselves?

If you struggle to be healthy, the effort and stress could make you worse so giving up can be a way of helping yourself. But it has to be intended to be. Otherwise it is just becoming helpless and a victim. Not trying is trying.

If you have self-esteem because you have a good life and it is not a matter of having a good life because you have self-esteem what does that tell us? It tells us to ask that even if self-esteem is not necessary for getting a good life, it could be necessary for keeping it being good.

The person who tries all the time to be happy will fail or end up not very happy at best. It is better just to do good and forget about being happy. Then you will become happy. Happiness comes to those who do not directly seek it. You are seeking it but in an indirect way.

Everybody’s potential for happiness may be different. If you reasonably happy, you risk this happiness by trying to be super-happy. That might just be biologically impossible for you.

If you feel happy, it is easier to be so engrossed in it that you become careless in things that might matter.

Am I happy because God has ensured life is about being happy? That will make me feel unhappier if I struggle with happiness. It will blame me for how I feel and don't feel. Happiness is not what life is about so that is why we can be happy. You are overcoming the forces that don't care about your happiness so your happiness cannot be taken away from you now. If you are happy now you have triumphed and overcome. It may not last but live in the moment. It does not change the fact that victory has made you happy.

What then when it all turns sour? Tell yourself this. This terrible thing has to happen to somebody. I therefore accept and embrace it while making the best I can of it. I choose to endure it instead of anybody else having to. You will find something happy and precious in your outlook then.

Pleasure will not make you happy. Why? Because unless you are happy enough, you will not enjoy pleasures.  Pleasure wears off and you know that which is why it becomes a problem.

If you take the wrong road to happiness, it hurts because you are telling yourself that you can lose the happiness at any time and are always under pressure to keep and improve it. That is why working to be happy fails.

Doing good is its own reward. If you do good for some reward or praise you are contradicting yourself. You are not appreciating the good you are doing and loving it but are preferring the rewards and praise. That only guarantees that it will be a struggle to appreciate and like the rewards and praise for long. Nobody should believe in a God of love and justice for that only validates the terrible temptation to do good for what you can get out of it and you will keep doing that even if you feel deflated when you get what you want. Rewards will not satisfy.

Everything changes which is why you cannot depend on change to keep you happy. It may not make you happy. The happiness you have today might never come back again. You know you cannot depend which is why working for happiness leads to disappointment and fear of losing any happiness that comes.

Is happiness or the avoidance of pain the most important? Happiness for pain does not stop happiness. Suffering however does. Avoidance of suffering then is more important than happiness.

Avarice and pride and always wanting to be happy backfire because you meet obstacles that will frustrate you. Even if you get through them you fear new obstacles might appear.

Do not hope that the motivation to do things will come. Do wait around for it. Do what is to be done and the motivation will follow it.

Happiness is mistaken for a destination. If you think it is a goal, you fail to open yourself to being happy right this moment. See happiness as a journey not as a goal. If it does not seem to work, then you have opened up to it. That is what matters. It takes time.

Happiness for many is partly set to emerge in their genes. If you have pro-happiness genes and you are unhappy then the programming decrees that you need to work at the happiness to find it. Not everybody gets it on a plate.

Paving the way

The things that let happiness take place are being cheerful, friendly, willing to offer help to others and being grateful for your health for their sake.

Happiness is best invited by doing small good deeds daily. You can think having children will make you happy and be proven wrong. You can save the world and never feel happy about it. Happiness is found in the little things. It creates a realistic and safe way to let happiness flow into you and remain in you.

By happiness we do not mean being in a constant state of bliss. We mean being satisfied with what you have. Because you don’t pressure yourself to feel brilliant all the time, you will gain more moments of happiness with this approach. Be open to happiness and the way to be open is in being satisfied.

Happiness comes from harmony in your body and mind and heart. The first step to happiness is resolving to harmonise what you think and what you say and what you do. When this is done, you can face reality that bit better and you can work out a strategy for taking care of yourself and others. Creating the harmony takes thinking - it takes the use of reason.

Thinking rationality and carefully is very important. It is not what you do that people should judge you for. It is the thinking behind the action. If the thinking is faulty the action will happen again even if you say you are sorry for it. It is primarily the thinking and then the feelings it causes that is the problem.

Nothing outside of you ever gives you or anybody happiness. It comes from you. When you fall in love, nobody put the feeling there. It came from inside you. You are the maker of your own happiness.

If you make happiness a goal in itself you will never achieve it. It is a by-product of living a good life. Work hard to help people and you will find that you become happy without even realising it.

Good is attractive. Doing good for me is obviously less good in my eyes as doing it for others. I create more good by doing things for others for they outnumber me. In doing this I satisfy my desire for the attractive and become happier.

Let it be

Happiness is something I have to let happen.

Working to be happy can fail for I have no guarantee I will be happy or enjoy what I think I want. That causes worry that will prevent happiness being yours.

Seeing happiness as a goal and not as something that you must open yourself up to leads to unhappiness for it is not a goal. It just happens if you know how to let it. It may take time but letting it come is the only way to be happy.

If you keep trying to erase and fight your negative thoughts and feelings, you inflict the pain of a struggle on yourself. You make yourself unhappy. And they can only be erased a little. Eliminating them is not possible - they are inevitable. Instead of fearing and battling them, just be willing to experience them and learn from them. That way you will lose your fear of them. Trying to be happy by eliminating negative feelings and thoughts is refusing to listen to the warnings they give. That alone risks your happiness. It is also fearing the inevitable and that does not stop it happening but makes it worse. A negative emotion is made worse by fearing it. You lose your fear by admitting you have negative thoughts and emotions to yourself. What you do, is prove them wrong to yourself. That is why the power to reason correctly and accurately is so important.

What I do is stop thinking about it and focus on others. I must esteem myself enough to forget myself.

Happiness is one thing: it is being free. In other words, it is the state of not being enslaved. Depression or sadness involves being enslaved to something. It is not success in life that brings happiness but the opportunity to get success and the opportunity to keep it. Without these the success will not be really success. We refuse to be even partly enslaved. That is why we regard ourselves as godlets and bow the knee to no God.

Never say you don’t like something. A person says they hate cheese. They need to widen their focus - the present moment is not just about the cheese. What about the company and the sun outside?

Saying, “Think how things could be worse and be grateful” is actually telling a person they cannot simply be happy. They are told to compare their lives to the horrendous lives of others to feel happy. They are told to have a prop.

Trying to be happy means you find that there is a lack of happiness to a degree in your life. The trying then feeds this sense of lack and so it prolongs the unhappiness at the risk of making it even worse.

The more we want to be happy the more we annoy ourselves. Worrying about how we are going to be happy and how to stay happy isn't going to help. It pushes happiness away from us. But if we just forget about wanting to be happy and get on with life and work to make others happy we will wake up one day and learn that we have become happy.

Happiness cannot be worked for. I will only think then it depends on my efforts. I will fear losing it. Happiness is merely a choice. I do not directly choose it or work for it. I pave the way for it and let it happen. Happiness includes the sense that my life has value and purpose.

Meaning in life is useless unless it is about giving and receiving the feeling that life is valuable. You get it from being good to others and not from mere religious faith.

Pleasure helps you to be happy. But you need enough happiness in order to enjoy pleasure. You only enjoy pleasure if you are happy enough.

If you feel unhappy, you will be advised to think of those who are worse off. That is a very negative way to make yourself feel better. It is also using their plight in a mercenary way. It is a crutch. You must feel simply happy. If you need to use a crutch to feel happy then you are creating a dependency and being a victim.

Be consistent. Align your feelings with your beliefs as much as you can.

Let your belief be shown in your actions. Do what you believe. If you do not, you risk feeling others will be as inconsistent as you and that will harm your relationship with them. Worse, you will end up; being unable to trust yourself. The problem we have with so called evil people is that we fear their inconsistency. That is the only problem.

You will only ever be happy to the degree that there is harmony in yourself. Your thinking, your feelings – your mind and body, these have to be in harmony.

You have a lot of good in your life at this moment.

Recognise it. Accept it. Rejoice. In other words, if you don't want what you have now then what is the point of looking for good things to happen in the future?

If you fail to do these things or any one of them, you are programming yourself as follows: "I command blessings to come to me. But don't take it for granted I will see them, accept them and appreciate them. How can you when I don't recognise and accept and rejoice in what I have now?"

We often only see how much we needed some perhaps challenging or unpleasant experience after it has happened so patience is very important. Impatience will not help us but annoy us.

Don't get annoyed because you don't seem to be as at peace as you want to be. Getting upset only makes it worse. Just be aware of how you feel. Do not judge it good or bad. Belief in God and prayer urges you to be holy, that is judge what is evil and stay away from it. Free yourself from the belief and do not judge your inner state.

Stop the habit of complaining and you can start to want what you have.

When you do good, you get a good feeling and if you don’t at least you are asking for a good feeling.

Eat rubbish and you feel like rubbish and you soon end up treating yourself and others like rubbish. Honour your body by choosing a healthy eating and exercise programme.

One reason why we should not try to be happy but just let it happen is that trying to be happy requires us not to think of sad or upsetting or negative possibilities or happenings. The problem with that is that trying not to think them makes us think them. We might try to ignore them but we still think them.


To be happy is to be in a good position and feel it.   It is not a mere feeling.  Searching for it is a burden and you cannot make it happen so you have to forget about it and it will happen.  Happiness that just happens like that is better than happiness you have to work for.  Paradoxically, forgetting about happiness to be happy is working for it but in the right way.  God is attractive to people who think they need beliefs and ideas to make themselves happy.  They are wrong.